Depot Vente versus Castorama

Mme Smith went to the Depot Vente and she bought:

2 x lengths of aluminium pipe €10 (cost at casto €22,40)

2 x paint trays €3,80 (cost at casto €9,60)

1 x bumper pack of raw plugs €1 (cost at casto €100 probably)

1 x second hand sechoir €5 (clothes horse. Cost new horrendous, €25 or something ridiculous)

1 x antique cupboard €10 This I am très excited by. She gave it to me cheaply because it is un peu abimée and has mouse droppings inside it. It's lovely and has old metal locks with all the keys and everything!

This is why we love the Depot Vente. Even though the bloody man wouldn't let me use the loo. At 7 months pregnant.

Mme Smith went to Castorama and after she'd used the loo she bought:

1 x insulated fireboard. Yay! Thank you Nick HH for letting me know that it was called a plaque pour hotte. Who would have guessed? €56 but apparently worth it.

3 x sets of long cotton curtains in different weights and colours and a matching cushion in the sale, €20 the lot. Bargain!

1 x chrome collar for a 125mm aluminium pipe €8 Bloody rip off but the depot vente didn't have one.

Assorted radiator fittings totalling €40! Daylight flipping robbery but Paul is coming to fit my radiators on Monday and I'd rather be over-stocked than under. Hopefully, he won't need half of it and I'll be able to take it back.

This is why we hate Castorama a bit but can't really do without it. We love the curtains in chocolate brown, cerise and white but we hate that the sales assistant left the ink-spraying security tags on. Useless bint.

Sealing The Chimney

This morning I wanted to tell you about my neighbour. The cheeky bint who thinks because she's nearly 70, has no teeth, one eye and a speech impediment that I'll let her use my phone to make premium rate phone calls when I know she has a phone herself because she gave me her number.

Instead I'm off looking for something to seal the chimney. Paul says there is a product that exists and is for sale at Casto that is an insulated, fire-resistant board. Fire resistant plasterboard I can find. Insulated? Nope.

Tiles And The Consequences Thereof

Paul has finished the tiling in the bathroom. Doesn't it look great? All that needs to happen now is to tile the side panel of the bath and fix the shower in place.

It's going to be a tall shower. One of the saddest sights I have ever seen is a 6'5" Dutchman folded into a UK shower cubicle with his head bent against the ceiling. It was supposed to be a steam/sauna/massage facility and he couldn't even get hot water. There will be no such cruelty to our taller European cousins in my little house. Simple shower controls, sliding shower bar set high.

It has occurred to me that these tiles may in some way be responsible for the baby. Faced with a gleaming array of ceramic joyousness, I find it impossible to make a decision, so I took my tall friend along. Partly for company, partly for his capacious boot and partly to stop me spending the entire day going "Um..." in the tile section of Castorama. I think there's a very real possibility that this gave off mixed messages and my body mistook my solo renovation project for a nest-building exercise and reacted accordingly.

I never planned to exchange shabby chic for babby chic, but having had a little time to get used to the idea, I am of course delighted. And terrified. Come September, I shall be properly resident in France, and negotiating the French maternity system. I've managed it with the Mairie and permission for the échafaudage, I'm sure I can work out how to give birth in French.

One thing gives me cause for concern: M. le Maire is also M. le Docteur. I hope he's good at changing hats.